Totally Fucked

I read somewhere recently that a young chimpanzee named Ayumu beat a dozen college kids in a memory experimentation. A series of foreign numerals were shown to both the chimp and the students in different margins of time to test their memory. Researchers found that when the numerals were shown for a smaller and smaller margin of time, the chimps would prove better at memorizing them while the students had a worse success rate.

Do the scientists know what subjects they got for this experiment?! COLLEGE STUDENTS. Last time I checked, college students were big on the drinking. And the use of drugs. Many of them mind-altering. CONGRATULATIONS SCIENTISTS. You've proved nothing. Chimps aren't better at memory than humans, the chimps just don't party down. Last time I checked you can't grow something in the outdoors that will make you... oh wait yes you can.

Since these scientists want some recognition, maybe they should send their findings to schools. No matter what your prof or teacher tells you, exams are NOT how well you can "synthesize" what you've learned over the past semester. Face it. It's pure memorization. Since we students OBVIOUSLY aren't good at memorizing things (we were beat by a fucking chimpanzee for crying out loud), it's time for the exams to be a bit more lenient. More open book exams! More group exams! Stuff where we don't actually have to memorize anything and instead hone what the school system regards as the second most important skill known to the human race: essay writing.

Quick recap. In the school system you are to 1) be very good at memorization and 2) be very good at writing essays otherwise you 1) fail and 2) can't write an essay. Oh the shame you'll bring to your family.