Last Man Swerving

Click the following to download a .gif file. It's a short little mini-video. If you can't download the thing in the imported notes on Facebook, go to my actual blog site.

I think I laughed for a few minutes when I saw this, I don't really know why.

What I'm Addicted To Now

Hagan Das Mango Sorbet - Zero fat and it's a flavour explosion in your mouth. It's like favour's making a bang bang of happiness in your mouth. The only downside, unless you can find this stuff on sale, they cost $6 a pint.

Dead Like Me - Julie "forced" me to buy the DVD sets. While not as commercially appealing as the creator Brian Fuller's new show Pushing Daisies (which I'm also addicted to now), it's still very good. There's even a new straight-to-DVD movie that was made this past year to be released next summer! AWESOME SUMMER 2008 TIMES!

Female singer-songwriters - Specifically Ingrid Michaelson and A Fine Frenzy. You've heard Ingrid's song "The Way I Am" in Old Navy commercials and Grey's Anatomy and A Fine Frenzy's (aka Alison Sudol) songs in just about every television show in primetime today. Download them because chances are you won't be able to find their album in stores.

Late Night With Conan O'Brien's Insider Blog - Since the strike, the behind the scenes aspect has sorta taken a backseat, but Aaron's still got a great blog. If you're a fan of Conan, he also has some Conan videos too!

Umphrey's McGee - I've been addicted to this band for the past year now. If you look in my recently played playlist, half of the list at any given time is Umphrey's. They play with fire, they're the best musicians at their instrument in the world at this moment, and I'm going to see them play three nights in a row in Chicago for New Years. AWESOME THREE TIMES! Check out their free downloadedable podcasts on their website or their videos on Youtube.

Ballz Of Steel

(The 'Z' stands for Zeus, Greek king of the gods, who has the biggest balls known to earth and the heavens).

Who's got an engrossed pair today? Porn. Well, hackers who are using porn for extortion. A website has been set up where users download of a software for a free three-day trial memberships for "Free Porn." Not any special kind of porn. Just "Free Porn." The idiots who are dumb enough to download this "free access" are met with a code that generates a stream of pop-up windows whether the person is on the internet or not demanding $80 for another 90 days of "Free Porn."

Now these pop-ups are pop-ups with balls. They appear once a day and stay open for ten minutes and appear over any open windows. If you try to close it, move it, minimize it, or re-size it, the pop-ups restore to their original size and position. They re-appear if you shut down your computer. If you don't pay, the site clearly states that you will lose full-use of your computer.

Now, what I don't get is if someone is smart enough to make this website, why settle with such a low price? $80!? I can scam that with your run-of-the-mill PayPal scam. COME ON. If I came up with a virus that spread itself through the number one earner on the internet, I would be RICH. $80? Try $800! In fact, I would create a site called "Free Rich Porn," porn for the rich and wealthy. My "girls" would be decked out in solid gold and diamond encrusted lingerie (of course, only for the first 3-5 minutes of the video. You know, the boring part), while the men will have their Ballz dipped in steel. I know it sounds painful, especially for the dudes, but they'll do whatever I tell them to when they're getting a sizable chunk of the $1 000 000 per person I'm extorting. My virus will threaten to not only take over their computer, but threaten to reveal that they're a member at BallzOfSteel.porn. It's not gay porn, but the rich and wealthy are always concerned with their name connected to something that even sound remotely gay. I'll use that to my advantage.

"Free Porn" site taking only $80 bucks a pop from idiots, you have Ballz of Steel. Now ask for more money you wimps.

Mas Cat Fever

2010 Vancouver Olympics Organizing Committee unveiled three new mascots for the 2010 games today. Among them are Miga, a snowboarding sea-bear, Quatchi, a shy and gentle Sasquatch, and Sumi, an animal guardian spirit. The mascots narrowly beat out Chuck, the beer-chugging hockey-loving moose, Sammy, the dead frozen beaver, and Bushy, the BC marijuana plant.

Vancouver IS in Canada right? Why do these mascots look Asian...

Are The Spice Girls Political?

I re-watched Shut Up and Sing last night, the Dixie Chicks' documentary about when they spoke out against George W. ten days before the invasion of Iraq. It also documents the immediate aftermath of their comment and the making of their follow up album Taking The Long Way. The documentary is really good, although I like it a lot maybe because of my affection for "making-of" videos and three part female country harmonies.

At the time, Natalie Maines said "we're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas." Ole' W had a sky-high approval rating somewhere near 75%, the government was showing the world their "facts" and satellite photos about "definite" WMDs, and Operation Iraqi Freedom (or whatever they called it) was about to begin. Everyone slammed the Dixie Chicks for making such an un-patriotic statement. Boycotts happened over radio stations that played them, their CDs were burned, death threats were made against them, their number one single and album plummeted in the charts, and protests happened at their concerts. That's right. At a time when a war was about the begin, the biggest protests in America weren't against the war, they were against the Dixie Chicks outside the Bi-Lo Centre in Greenville, South Carolina.

Four years later, ole' W has a sky-low approval rating somewhere around the 25-30% range, most of the members of the government that showed "facts" are now enjoying a healthy severance package, and the Americans government is in a war they can't get out of physically or financially. The Dixie Chicks went in a totally non-country direction (a big F.U. to the people that banned them from the radio). While their ticket sales for their tour suffered (some shows in the States were even canceled), musically the Chicks enjoyed their greatest success ever taking home five Grammy awards for their new album. Oh how four years can change everything.

In 2003, the Dixie Chicks represented free speech. Now they represent a middle finger and an "I told you so" to the current American government.

What does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. I just really like the Dixie Chicks especially the after watching the documentary and seriously listening to their music. Required listening for tonight: "Travelin' Soldier" from Home, any version of "Goodbye Earl" (a live one if you can find one), and "The Long Way Around" from Taking The Long Way. Required watching: Shut Up and Sing (only if you can look past the constant whining from Natalie Maines which she herself has said makes her look really dumb in the movie. My favourite dumb-sounding Natalie line: "can we decide what kinda artists we wanna be right now?").

Whatever I Can Get

I really hate Facebook applications. More than Christmas decorations in November and the fact I'm not allowed to make sweet, sweet love to digital version of Angelina Jolie in Beowulf on 3D IMAX. Actually, it's not that I hate Facebook applications, I just hate the invites to Facebook applications. NO, I don't want to add "Crushes" to see if you have a crush on me, because chances are you don't but I think you have one anyways. And NO, I don't want to beat your score on Jetman, or Pacman, or Suckaman, or whatever game you play because I'm perfectly content with doing nothing on Facebook. Well, nothing other than stalking your crushes and your score on whatever game you play.

Ah. I remember a simpler time in Facebook. A time when the simple layout and ad-free template made it a vast upgrade from the make your own HTML layout and ad-infested template of MySpace. A time when it didn't cost a couple hundred million dollars to own a few percentage of the company. A time when people weren't worried about what they wrote in their profile and instead revealed every single detail about their lives. Now!? I go to a profile to check if a girl's single and under the relationship status... WHAT!? NOTHING LISTED!? Oh well, I guess I'm stuck here wondering "what if" as in "what if your relationship status was listed." I smell a hit song coming out of that last line.

I'm pretty sure that because I wrote this blog on my eternal hate for Facebook applications and their associated invitations, people are just going to spite me and invite me to every single application they own. I'm prepared for that because it shows you read my blog and you hate me enough to annoy me. But since you read my blog, you don't hate me which can only mean one thing: you have a crush on me. Ladies, set your relationship status to single.

Buy Buy Buy

Today is Black Friday in the States, the equivalent to our Canadian Boxing Day. The day after Thanksgiving is typically the biggest shopping day of the year south of the border; a day where shoppers line-up the night before, the wait at the Canada-US border stretches for miles, and store clerks are trampled by parents eager to pick up Hannah Montana merchandise at can't be beat prices. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

To combat "Black Friday," someone stared "Buy Nothing Day," asking consumers to resist the really cheap Lazy-Boy or the really, really cheap flat screen TV, and instead just buy it the day after. Okay, so the 'day after' thing isn't the intended design of Buy Nothing Day, but an unfortunate occurrence, especially for the people pushing Buy Nothing Day and to all 3 people that bought nothing. Probably because they forgot to set their alarm to go off so they could be in line for the 5am doorcrasher at Best Buy.

To combat "Buy Nothing Day," someone started "The Three Day Weekend Sale," another blow to the Buy Nothing Day camp. These guys just can't catch a break. No matter the attempt, the big companies with their bigger sales just suck you in. That is why I'm proposing a new day: Buy Everything Day. You see, if you bought everything, you would have no more money to buy anything else. Then, no matter the sale or bargain deal on Hannah Montana t-shirts and lunch boxes, you wouldn't be able to afford it. The Buy Nothing Day people are happy, the companies are happy, it's a win-win situation! NOBEL PRIZE PLEASE.

Ballz Of Steel

Sometimes, people are courageous. Sometimes people are brave. Other times, they just have...

BALLZ OF STEEL (the 'Z' stands for 'zoo,' a place where animals are found, and some animals have massive balls)

Who's got a pair of impenetrable testes today? 30-year-old Ottawa resident, and mother of two, Marlena Sarazin. Ms. Sarazin is claiming police brutality and asking for witnesses to come forward and shed some light after Ottawa Police tasered her with 50 000 volts of electricity early Saturday morning. She can't remember the incident.

The police can. An officer attempted to pull over a suspected impaired driver in the Byward Market but the driver, Ms. Sarazin, fled. She ran over the officer's foot with her car and proceeded to sideswipe a taxi cab and another police cruiser before stopping a couple blocks away. Resisting arrest, four officers were forced to smash her car window and taser her in order to subdue her. The next thing Ms. Sarazin remembers is police warning her they would taser her again if she didn't calm down. Wow. She sure has a selective memory. I guess that's what 50 000 volts of electricity would do. Or alcohol. It's probably the alcohol.

Ms. Sarazin (did I mention she's a mother of two?) feels lucky to be alive after reading reports of how a guy out west just died after being tasered adding she doesn't feel she deserved to be tasered. It takes a giant pair to make a statement like that, especially after she was charged with impaired driving, dangerous driving, failing to remain at the scene of a crime, failing to stop for police, and resisting arrest.

"I don't have a criminal record or anything. I'm not a bad person." Another big-balled statement from our heroin, especially since she was also charged with driving with a suspended license.

Marlena Sarazin, mother of two, you have some Ballz of Steel. You also make Britney look like a good mom.

Who's On Strike Now

With the Writer's Guild of America strike, the stage hand's strike on Broadway, and the massive transit strike in Paris, France taking up all the news headlines, it got me thinking about who else is currently on strike right now. I decided to find out in a new segment I'm calling:

WHO'S ON STRIKE NOW

CUPE support works at the University of Saskatchewan. That's right. Saskatchewan has a university.

The workers have been on strike for 18 days and today, more than 100 students (of what is presumably a 100 student population) protested against the strike and the disruption to their learning. For those of you keeping score at home, the students went on strike and the on strike support workers. Classes are still running as normal so I don't know what the fuss is about. Loreena Frederick, a vet med student, told the crowd the the Veterinary Medical Hospital is now closed and is no longer taking in sick animals. The closure of the hospital has been called "collateral damage." OH won't somebody think of the animals!

Jesus Walks

If I ever get caught committing a crime, someone call me his lawyer, her lawyer, or her lawyer.

They must have a stack of Monopoly Get Out Of Jail Free Cards!